flora, fauna

on may 27th my beloved hound took his last breath and i painfully said good-bye. arlo was companion, witness, and guide for 11 long, trying, loving years. he was also the thing that structured my entire existence -- and only now that he's gone have i really engaged with my work in a constant, substantial way. if jesus died for the sins of all christians, perhaps arlo died for my dissertation. how considerate of him.

but now i look for him in other places. i wish i had a photo right now of the baby bunny who was born right after he died. he almost always sits in our back yard, and when someone approaches, he just stares right back at them. unflinching. i call him arlo and somehow his lingering presence reassures me that something of the hound is still with me carrboro.

i've also nurtured some black swallowtail butterflies with a bunch of parsley that i think i'm growing more for them than for me. my friend told me that butterflies (though perhaps just monarch ones) are the recycled souls of dogs (or maybe of anything). so i guess that arlo abounds in my own backyard.

it's funny how i look for the pale traces of him everywhere even as his box of ashes sits on my bureau. that part of him -- the physical, the dust -- just doesn't resonate with me in the same way. which doesn't, of course, mean that i'm ready to scatter him anywhere in particular just yet...